Showing posts with label Articles. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Articles. Show all posts

Saturday, 22 November 2014

9 Things I Wish I Could Tell My 15-Year-Old Self ...

http://teen.allwomenstalk.com/things-i-wish-i-could-tell-my-15-year-old-self

I'll never deny that I had a pretty great childhood but puberty was sort of a bitch, and there are especially things I wish I could tell my 15-year-old self. That was a particular hard year because it felt like I hated #everything: school; my parents; my friends; and myself. To me, 15 and 19 seemed like transition years; there's something about those sophomore years, don't you think? Your mileage may vary, but I think this is a hard year for everyone, so see if you agree with my version of the things I wish I could tell my 15-year-old self that might have made the year go by a little smoother.

1. This Too Shall Pass

This is such a simple idea, but it can get you through so many rough patches. It's one of the most fundamental things I wish I could tell my 15-year-old self because it holds true for so many of the hard #things you go through during those transitional ages. I'd love to tell myself that puberty will pass, that sophomore year will definitely pass, and that #high school itself will pass. It's all transitory, mere moments in #time that seem horrible, yes, but also have the power to make you stronger – even if you're dealing with bullies, the mean girls, or the feeling of being an outsider, peering in from the fringe.

2. It's Not Them, It's You

I fought with everyone when I was 15. I have an excellent relationship with my parents, for instance; I had a great #relationship with them when I was 14 and things went more or less back to normal when I turned 16, but at 15, they could do no right. The same was true for my teachers, a big deal when you consider that I tended to get along better with my favorite teachers than I did with some of my peers. Everyone rubs you the wrong way at this stage in your life, but guess what? It's not them. It's you. It's not necessarily your fault, but it is your issue. It's hard to realize that at the #time, but once you have some perspective, you'll notice that your parents, teachers, and friends weren't changing. You were.

3. It's Not You, It's Him

What is it about puppy love at 15? Maybe it's all the Shakespeare you end up reading in your English classes. Maybe it's those god awful hormones. It's the agony and the ecstasy of love that isn't really love, and it's the one #time in your life when you're more apt to fall for exactly the wrong guy. At 15 I had an incredible circle of friends, consisting of two boys and one girl, but #things began to change. I was still struggling hardcore with my sexuality and natural inclinations, and naturally fell for the bad boy, mainly because he knew exactly how to prey on my vulnerabilities. The nice guy in my circle, of course, was crazy about me – and my bad #boy fed on that too. If you found yourself in some up-and-down, topsy-turvy situation at 15 too, it very likely wasn't you. It was him.

4. Everybody Fails Sometimes

Your sophomore year is when you'll really start to hear about how everything counts now. Your grades, your extracurricular activities, your charity work – it all shows up on your #college transcripts. It's important to do well in school and to broaden your horizons beyond the classroom, but that's a lot of pressure – especially for the straight A students who find they rarely have to study because #everything has been easy up to that point. For me, Algebra II took me down – hard. I faced a D for the first #time in my life and almost lost my mind. For that reason, and for all the other math classes that gave my the business, I'd love to tell my younger self that failure is just an opportunity to learn something else.

5. You Are Beautiful

I was incredibly down on myself at 15, and I bet a lot of you were as well – or maybe you are still, right at this moment. You are beautiful. I was #beautiful too, and I couldn't see it. I wasn't even willing to entertain the notion. It doesn't matter what you weigh, how you dress, if you're wearing the same Birkenstocks as all the cool girls, how tall you are – none of it matters. You're gorgeous. You're a goddess. At 15, 20, 25, 30, and 50, you are stunning. Please know that. Please believe it.

6. Real Friends Reveal Themselves

As I briefly mentioned, some friendships go through strange transitions themselves around this point in your life. Some BFFs will stay thick as thieves, and that's how you know you've found a winner. Other friendships lose some of their dynamic. There might be ill-fated crushes involved, a friend might get interested in relationships while you get interested in something else, you might get “popular” while your friend remains an avid fan of drama or band. Rest assured that no matter what happens, your real friends will reveal themselves. They might be friends you've had for years or brand new relationships, but if they stick with you through all the moods and the turmoil, you know you've found someone worthwhile. The ones who desert you can kind of make like a tree.

7. Life Gets Harder, but Better

I would love to be able to tell my 15-year-old self that #everything gets easier, but it doesn't. My 15th year was not the hardest year of my life. With some exceptions, it's not the hardest year of anyone's life. The lesson I would share is this: life gets more difficult, but it also becomes richer than you could ever imagine.

8. Your Weirdness is Your Salvation

I fought so hard to fit in at 15. I wanted the popular girls to invite me to their large, sprawling houses or their fun parties. I wanted them to see that I was smart and funny and a good person, worthy of friendship. At that stage, however, and although most of these girls have grown into lovely young women who no longer resemble the cliques they formed in #high school, fitting in would have meant changing myself entirely. I would have needed to trade in my Dr. Martens for those Birkenstocks. It would have meant listening to #boy bands instead of Eminem, Placebo, and Tori Amos. It would have meant riding horses instead of writing stories. I wish I could tell myself that someday my weirdness would fit me better – that it would define me, even. And your weirdness will define you, too.

9. Your Feelings Are Not Wrong

As I also mentioned, I struggled with my sexuality as a teen, especially at 15. Some of you may struggle with the same thing; some of you will have different struggles. Whatever they are, you're not wrong. Your natural feelings or affinities are not wrong. Don't let your peers make you feel wrong; you're simply you, and you're #beautiful – flawlessly imperfect and perfectly flawed.
I can safely say that I have few regrets in my life, not because I've never done anything I regretted but because I've come to turns with them. Still, part of me dreams of a do-over, just for the year I spent as a miserable 15-year-old. Are there any years you wish you could repeat? What lessons or #words of wisdom would you share with your younger self?

7 Tips for Being Happy with What You've Got ...

http://inspiration.allwomenstalk.com/tips-for-being-happy-with-what-youve-got

Do you find it difficult being happy with what you've got? Are you always wishing that your life was different or that you had more material things? While it's good to have ambitions, we can easily become focused on longing for unachievable #things or obsessed with money and spending. Here are some ways to focus on being happy with what you've got …

1. Having More Doesn't Make You Happy

One of the ways for being happy with what you've got is to realise that having it all doesn't automatically make your life perfect. The word affluenza was coined to describe people who can never have enough; they always feel that they have to acquire more #money and possessions. Money may make you more comfortable, but rich #people have problems too …

2. Need Vs Want

These days we think that we're deprived if we don't have a smart phone, computer and flat screen TV. Admittedly it's difficult to live modern #life without access to the Internet. But a lot of what we think we need is actually what we want. Learn to appreciate the difference between needing and wanting something.

3. Retrain Your Focus

Sometimes you just need to retrain your focus and appreciate what you do have in your life. Maybe you don't have a big house and lots of cash, but you are raising awesome kids and have a #partner who adores you. Your neighbors with a brand new car may have massive debts, and your sister's well-paying job could be stressing her. So you could be better off in some ways.

4. Look at Positives

What are the positives in your life? We all have some if we #look hard enough. And by focusing on those positives, we spend less time thinking about what we wish we had. Why waste #time thinking about what you don't have? The #things that you do have are there all around you.

5. Live in the Present

While it's smart to think of the future, there's also a lot to be said for focusing on the present. Wishing that you had more #money or a palatial mansion gets you nowhere; it's nice to dream, but it's also not realistic. #People who live in the present are happier than those who are always living in the past or wishing that they had more.

6. Simplicity

Think about the simple #things that you can enjoy. Do you love books? Spend an afternoon in the library or curled up in an armchair with a fantastic novel. Are there #beautiful flowers in your garden, or does your child give you lovely smiles? There really are so many things that #money can't buy.

7. Be Grateful

You don't have to be grateful that you're in a better position than people in other countries. That's not your fault. But we do all have many things to be grateful for. Think about what those #things are - if you've got your health, that's an amazing asset. Other things, like a support network of family and friends, make a great difference to our lives and well-being.
Money and possessions aren't the only things in life. We need a certain amount of #money to survive, but once our needs are met there are other things that should matter more. Do you know any materialistic #people, and are they really happy?

Saturday, 15 November 2014

The 48 Laws of Power

Law 1
Never Outshine the Master

Always make those above you feel comfortably superior.  In your desire to please or impress them, do not go too far in displaying your talents or you might accomplish the opposite – inspire fear and insecurity.  Make your masters appear more brilliant than they are and you will attain the heights of power.
Law 2
Never put too Much Trust in Friends, Learn how to use Enemies

Be wary of friends-they will betray you more quickly, for they are easily aroused to envy.  They also become spoiled and tyrannical. But hire a former enemy and he will be more loyal than a friend, because he has more to prove.  In fact, you have more to fear from friends than from enemies.  If you have no enemies, find a way to make them.
 Law 3
Conceal your Intentions

Keep people off-balance and in the dark by never revealing the purpose behind your actions.  If they have no clue what you are up to, they cannot prepare a defense.  Guide them far enough down the wrong path, envelope them in enough smoke, and by the time they realize your intentions, it will be too late.
 Law 4
Always Say Less than Necessary

When you are trying to impress people with words, the more you say, the more common you appear, and the less in control.  Even if you are saying something banal, it will seem original if you make it vague, open-ended, and sphinxlike.  Powerful people impress and intimidate by saying less.  The more you say, the more likely you are to say something foolish.
 Law 5
So Much Depends on Reputation – Guard it with your Life
Reputation is the cornerstone of power.  Through reputation alone you can intimidate and win; once you slip, however, you are vulnerable, and will be attacked on all sides.  Make your reputation unassailable.  Always be alert to potential attacks and thwart them before they happen.  Meanwhile, learn to destroy your enemies by opening holes in their own reputations.  Then stand aside and let public opinion hang them.
 Law 6
Court Attention at all Cost

Everything is judged by its appearance; what is unseen counts for nothing.  Never let yourself get lost in the crowd, then, or buried in oblivion.  Stand out.  Be conspicuous, at all cost.  Make yourself a magnet of attention by appearing larger, more colorful, more mysterious, than the bland and timid masses.
  Law 7
Get others to do the Work for you, but Always Take the Credit

Use the wisdom, knowledge, and legwork of other people to further your own cause.  Not only will such assistance save you valuable time and energy, it will give you a godlike aura of efficiency and speed.  In the end your helpers will be forgotten and you will be remembered.  Never do yourself what others can do for you.
 Law 8
Make other People come to you – use Bait if Necessary

When you force the other person to act, you are the one in control.  It is always better to make your opponent come to you, abandoning his own plans in the process.  Lure him with fabulous gains – then attack.  You hold the cards.
 Law 9
Win through your Actions, Never through Argument

Any momentary triumph you think gained through argument is really a Pyrrhic victory:  The resentment and ill will you stir up is stronger and lasts longer than any momentary change of opinion.  It is much more powerful to get others to agree with you through your actions, without saying a word.  Demonstrate, do not explicate.
 Law 10
Infection: Avoid the Unhappy and Unlucky

You can die from someone else’s misery – emotional states are as infectious as disease.  You may feel you are helping the drowning man but you are only precipitating your own disaster.  The unfortunate sometimes draw misfortune on themselves; they will also draw it on you.  Associate with the happy and fortunate instead.
Law 11
Learn to Keep People Dependent on You

To maintain your independence you must always be needed and wanted.  The more you are relied on, the more freedom you have.  Make people depend on you for their happiness and prosperity and you have nothing to fear.  Never teach them enough so that they can do without you.
  
Law 12
Use Selective Honesty and Generosity to Disarm your Victim
One sincere and honest move will cover over dozens of dishonest ones.  Open-hearted gestures of honesty and generosity bring down the guard of even the most suspicious people.  Once your selective honesty opens a hole in their armor, you can deceive and manipulate them at will.  A timely gift – a Trojan horse – will serve the same purpose.

 Law 13
When Asking for Help, Appeal to People’s Self-Interest,
Never to their Mercy or Gratitude

If you need to turn to an ally for help, do not bother to remind him of your past assistance and good deeds.  He will find a way to ignore you.  Instead, uncover something in your request, or in your alliance with him, that will benefit him, and emphasize it out of all proportion.  He will respond enthusiastically when he sees something to be gained for himself.

 Law 14
Pose as a Friend, Work as a Spy

Knowing about your rival is critical.  Use spies to gather valuable information that will keep you a step ahead.  Better still: Play the spy yourself.  In polite social encounters, learn to probe.  Ask indirect questions to get people to reveal their weaknesses and intentions.  There is no occasion that is not an opportunity for artful spying.

 Law 15
Crush your Enemy Totally

All great leaders since Moses have known that a feared enemy must be crushed completely.  (Sometimes they have learned this the hard way.)  If one ember is left alight, no matter how dimly it smolders, a fire will eventually break out.  More is lost through stopping halfway than through total annihilation:  The enemy will recover, and will seek revenge.  Crush him, not only in body but in spirit.
 Law 16
Use Absence to Increase Respect and Honor

Too much circulation makes the price go down:  The more you are seen and heard from, the more common you appear.  If you are already established in a group, temporary withdrawal from it will make you more talked about, even more admired.  You must learn when to leave.  Create value through scarcity.
 Law 17
Keep Others in Suspended Terror: Cultivate an Air of Unpredictability

Humans are creatures of habit with an insatiable need to see familiarity in other people’s actions.  Your predictability gives them a sense of control.  Turn the tables: Be deliberately unpredictable.  Behavior that seems to have no consistency or purpose will keep them off-balance, and they will wear themselves out trying to explain your moves.  Taken to an extreme, this strategy can intimidate and terrorize.
 Law 18
Do Not Build Fortresses to Protect Yourself – Isolation is Dangerous

The world is dangerous and enemies are everywhere – everyone has to protect themselves.  A fortress seems the safest. But isolation exposes you to more dangers than it protects you from – it cuts you off from valuable information, it makes you conspicuous and an easy target.  Better to circulate among people find allies, mingle.  You are shielded from your enemies by the crowd.

 Law 19

Know Who You’re Dealing with – Do Not Offend the Wrong Person
There are many different kinds of people in the world, and you can never assume that everyone will react to your strategies in the same way.  Deceive or outmaneuver some people and they will spend the rest of their lives seeking revenge.  They are wolves in lambs’ clothing.  Choose your victims and opponents carefully, then – never offend or deceive the wrong person.


 Law 20
Do Not Commit to Anyone
It is the fool who always rushes to take sides.  Do not commit to any side or cause but yourself.  By maintaining your independence, you become the master of others – playing people against one another, making them pursue you.

 Law 21
Play a Sucker to Catch a Sucker – Seem Dumber than your Mark
No one likes feeling stupider than the next persons.  The trick, is to make your victims feel smart – and not just smart, but smarter than you are.  Once convinced of this, they will never suspect that you may have ulterior motives.

 Law 22
Use the Surrender Tactic: Transform Weakness into Power
When you are weaker, never fight for honor’s sake; choose surrender instead.  Surrender gives you time to recover, time to torment and irritate your conqueror, time to wait for his power to wane.  Do not give him the satisfaction of fighting and defeating you – surrender first.  By turning the other check you infuriate and unsettle him.  Make surrender a tool of power.

 Law 23
Concentrate Your Forces
Conserve your forces and energies by keeping them concentrated at their strongest point.  You gain more by finding a rich mine and mining it deeper, than by flitting from one shallow mine to another – intensity defeats extensity every time.  When looking for sources of power to elevate you, find the one key patron, the fat cow who will give you milk for a long time to come.

 Law 24
Play the Perfect Courtier
The perfect courtier thrives in a world where everything revolves around power and political dexterity.  He has mastered the art of indirection; he flatters, yields to superiors, and asserts power over others in the mot oblique and graceful manner.  Learn and apply the laws of courtiership and there will be no limit to how far you can rise in the court.

 Law 25
Re-Create Yourself
Do not accept the roles that society foists on you.  Re-create yourself by forging a new identity, one that commands attention and never bores the audience.  Be the master of your own image rather than letting others define if for you.  Incorporate dramatic devices into your public gestures and actions – your power will be enhanced and your character will seem larger than life.

 Law 26
Keep Your Hands Clean
You must seem a paragon of civility and efficiency: Your hands are never soiled by mistakes and nasty deeds.  Maintain such a spotless appearance by using others as scapegoats and cat’s-paws to disguise your involvement.

Law 27
Play on People’s Need to Believe to Create a Cultlike Following
People have an overwhelming desire to believe in something.  Become the focal point of such desire by offering them a cause, a new faith to follow.  Keep your words vague but full of promise; emphasize enthusiasm over rationality and clear thinking.  Give your new disciples rituals to perform, ask them to make sacrifices on your behalf.  In the absence of organized religion and grand causes, your new belief system will bring you untold power.

 Law 28
Enter Action with Boldness
If you are unsure of a course of action, do not attempt it.  Your doubts and hesitations will infect your execution.  Timidity is dangerous:  Better to enter with boldness.  Any mistakes you commit through audacity are easily corrected with more audacity.  Everyone admires the bold; no one honors the timid.
 Law 29
Plan All the Way to the End
The ending is everything.  Plan all the way to it, taking into account all the possible consequences, obstacles, and twists of fortune that might reverse your hard work and give the glory to others.  By planning to the end you will not be overwhelmed by circumstances and you will know when to stop.  Gently guide fortune and help determine the future by thinking far ahead.

 Law 30
Make your Accomplishments Seem Effortless
Your actions must seem natural and executed with ease.  All the toil and practice that go into them, and also all the clever tricks, must be concealed.  When you act, act effortlessly, as if you could do much more.  Avoid the temptation of revealing how hard you work – it only raises questions.  Teach no one your tricks or they will be used against you.

 Law 31
Control the Options: Get Others to Play with the Cards you Deal
The best deceptions are the ones that seem to give the other person a choice:  Your victims feel they are in control, but are actually your puppets.  Give people options that come out in your favor whichever one they choose.  Force them to make choices between the lesser of two evils, both of which serve your purpose.  Put them on the horns of a dilemma:  They are gored wherever they turn.

 Law 32
Play to People’s Fantasies
The truth is often avoided because it is ugly and unpleasant.  Never appeal to truth and reality unless you are prepared for the anger that comes for disenchantment.  Life is so harsh and distressing that people who can manufacture romance or conjure up fantasy are like oases in the desert:  Everyone flocks to them. There is great power in tapping into the fantasies of the masses.

 Law 33
Discover Each Man’s Thumbscrew
Everyone has a weakness, a gap in the castle wall.  That weakness is usual y an insecurity, an uncontrollable emotion or need; it can also be a small secret pleasure.  Either way, once found, it is a thumbscrew you can turn to your advantage.

  Law 34
Be Royal in your Own Fashion:  Act like a King to be treated like one
The way you carry yourself will often determine how you are treated; In the long run, appearing vulgar or common will make people disrespect you.  For a king respects himself and inspires the same sentiment in others.  By acting regally and confident of your powers, you make yourself seem destined to wear a crown.
 Law 35
Master the Art of Timing

Never seem to be in a hurry – hurrying betrays a lack of control over yourself, and over time.  Always seem patient, as if you know that everything will come to you eventually.  Become a detective of the right moment; sniff out the spirit of the times, the trends that will carry you to power.  Learn to stand back when the time is not yet ripe, and to strike fiercely when it has reached fruition.

 Law 36
Disdain Things you cannot have:  Ignoring them is the best Revenge
By acknowledging a petty problem you give it existence and credibility.  The more attention you pay an enemy, the stronger you make him; and a small mistake is often made worse and more visible when you try to fix it.  It is sometimes best to leave things alone.  If there is something you want but cannot have, show contempt for it.  The less interest you reveal, the more superior you seem. 

Law 37
Create Compelling Spectacles
Striking imagery and grand symbolic gestures create the aura of power – everyone responds to them.  Stage spectacles for those around you, then full of arresting visuals and radiant symbols that heighten your presence.  Dazzled by appearances, no one will notice what you are really doing.

Law 38
Think as you like but Behave like others
If you make a show of going against the times, flaunting your unconventional ideas and unorthodox ways, people will think that you only want attention and that you look down upon them.  They will find a way to punish you for making them feel inferior.  It is far safer to blend in and nurture the common touch. Share your originality only with tolerant friends and those who are sure to appreciate your uniqueness.
Law 39
Stir up Waters to Catch Fish
Anger and emotion are strategically counterproductive.  You must always stay calm and objective.  But if you can make your enemies angry while staying calm yourself, you gain a decided advantage.  Put your enemies off-balance: Find the chink in their vanity through which you can rattle them and you hold the strings.
Law 40
Despise the Free Lunch
What is offered for free is dangerous – it usually involves either a trick or a hidden obligation.  What has worth is worth paying for.  By paying your own way you stay clear of gratitude, guilt, and deceit.  It is also often wise to pay the full price – there is no cutting corners with excellence.  Be lavish with your money and keep it circulating, for generosity is a sign and a magnet for power.

Law 41
Avoid Stepping into a Great Man’s Shoes
What happens first always appears better and more original than what comes after.  If you succeed a great man or have a famous parent, you will have to accomplish double their achievements to outshine them.  Do not get lost in their shadow, or stuck in a past not of your own making:  Establish your own name and identity by changing course.  Slay the overbearing father, disparage his legacy, and gain power by shining in your own way.

Law 42
Strike the Shepherd and the Sheep will Scatter
Trouble can often be traced to a single strong individual – the stirrer, the arrogant underling, the poisoned of goodwill.  If you allow such people room to operate, others will succumb to their influence.  Do not wait for the troubles they cause to multiply, do not try to negotiate with them – they are irredeemable.  Neutralize their influence by isolating or banishing them.  Strike at the source of the trouble and the sheep will scatter.

Law 43
Work on the Hearts and Minds of Others
Coercion creates a reaction that will eventually work against you.  You must seduce others into wanting to move in your direction.  A person you have seduced becomes your loyal pawn.  And the way to seduce others is to operate on their individual psychologies and weaknesses.  Soften up the resistant by working on their emotions, playing on what they hold dear and what they fear.  Ignore the hearts and minds of others and they will grow to hate you.

Law 44
Disarm and Infuriate with the Mirror Effect
The mirror reflects reality, but it is also the perfect tool for deception: When you mirror your enemies, doing exactly as they do, they cannot figure out your strategy.  The Mirror Effect mocks and humiliates them, making them overreact.  By holding up a mirror to their psyches, you seduce them with the illusion that you share their values; by holding up a mirror to their actions, you teach them a lesson.  Few can resist the power of Mirror Effect.

Law 45
Preach the Need for Change, but Never Reform too much at Once
Everyone understands the need for change in the abstract, but on the day-to-day level people are creatures of habit.  Too much innovation is traumatic, and will lead to revolt.  If you are new to a position of power, or an outsider trying to build a power base, make a show of respecting the old way of doing things.  If change is necessary, make it feel like a gentle improvement on the past.

Law 46
Never appear too Perfect
Appearing better than others is always dangerous, but most dangerous of all is to appear to have no faults or weaknesses.  Envy creates silent enemies.  It is smart to occasionally display defects, and admit to harmless vices, in order to deflect envy and appear more human and approachable.  Only gods and the dead can seem perfect with impunity.

Law 47
Do not go Past the Mark you Aimed for; In Victory, Learn when to Stop
The moment of victory is often the moment of greatest peril.  In the heat of victory, arrogance and overconfidence can push you past the goal you had aimed for, and by going too far, you make more enemies than you defeat.  Do not allow success to go to your head.  There is no substitute for strategy and careful planning.  Set a goal, and when you reach it, stop.

Law 48
Assume Formlessness
By taking a shape, by having a visible plan, you open yourself to attack.  Instead of taking a form for your enemy to grasp, keep yourself adaptable and on the move.  Accept the fact that nothing is certain and no law is fixed.  The best way to protect yourself is to be as fluid and formless as water; never bet on stability or lasting order.  Everything changes.